Are you sure?

Are you sure?

If not that I’m a believing Christian, I’d have said he used jazz on me. Gosh!!! Loving him was so easy. I still can’t believe how he did that. He was everything I ever wanted in my ideal man, who no like better thing? You might want to know if he was the T.D.H kind of guy, well, these are not the thing the I look out for but I love cute guys with good and decent fashion sense. Trust me, I love the way he was. He was a man of average height, I don’t like short guys abeg! yeah!! who kicked me?!

Back to the gist, our meeting was mystical and seemed heavenly orchestrated. He is a kingdom-minded, knowledgeable, funny, a great reader, caring, good fashion sense, generous guy. This supersedes T.D.H abeg! I knew he was going to let the cat out of the bag sooner than expected. I can’t specifically highlight what he saw in me, he seemed obsessed with my love and could not wait to get the YES response from me.

I thought I had standards, Nah! not with this guy. I had a nudge to delay the response but lo and behold, I had fallen in love already. I finally gave a yes after some weeks and we started out, in fact, we sealed it with prayer right in my room when he came visiting. The few times we hang out together were my most memorable moments. He treated me like a queen and showered me with love, my heart was filled with joy. My soul blessed the Lord for such a gift. I had never been treated that way by an opposite-sex all my life. He understood my love language accurately, I long for his calls before bidding the night farewell. I blessed God every day that our path crossed.

We read and review books together, I always look forward to these days. I began to feel insecure when he started demanding for answers I didn’t know. At first, I felt blessed because he was versatile and dynamic. I mean, I’ve always prayed for a spouse that I can look up to, learn, and be nurtured. I knew he meant no harm, I began to feel inadequate and unworthy. I began to look down on myself and I could see my weaknesses starring at me right at my face. Few times I cried silently but I still loved him.

Towards the end of 2009, a question aroused in our hearts and we decided to seek the Lord’s face individually to know his will for us. Humm, this is ridiculous, right? Yeah, I know. As spiritual people, seeking the Lord’s will should have been considered first, and our convictions concerning the matter (Relationship) should be based on what He will say to us.

We took some days off to wait on the Lord. I found it hard to believe, like seriously! Have I been laying my blocks on the wrong foundation? How can I handle this? Hope I’m not losing him? In those few days, I prayed and waited on the lord concerning this matter, but Alas! I heard nothing from God. There was nothing from his end too. With sincerity of heart, we told ourselves nothing was going to kick off without the lord saying something or showing us something to hold on too.

This was tough. In order to achieve this, we had to lessen communication. I cried daily as days turned into weeks, I prayed to the lord to keep this man for me. In fact, I was ready to continue the relationship and let the Lord speak or give a sign when he is ready. This was the thought flowing through my mind. I could not bear it any longer, seems I kept losing my mind daily. I decided to travel down to Abuja so we could see and talk. The meeting was held in his office and we had to dissolve the relationship amicably.

Thank Jesus for my tear gland, they didn’t disgrace my lineage and entire generation that day. In fact, he ensured he made me smile before leaving his office knowing fully well that we dissolved the relationship, not because of our deficiencies but because our conviction was questioned. In a way, this helped, I had to accept I was no longer in a relationship and ready to seek the Lord face with a clear heart so as to know His will for me.

I later got some convincing facts but I thought he needs to get his too, after all the two of us make up the relationship. I have self-respect and I don’t know how to approach a man first. I waited for a while hoping things were going to bond again, l had to accept the reality and move on. Can I ever forget the lessons he taught me? Nah fam! know something about everything, seek knowledge, and don’t be mediocre. Don’t just wish but become. I still hold him dear to my heart…..
To be continued

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I'm a graduate of biochemistry, God lover, a singer and Crafter.